Tales from the other side of the Till

She's orange. She's rude. She's patronising. She complains openly about her job. She talks to her co-workers instead of serving you. She points somewhere and says 'over there' when you ask for something. She 'doesn't know' when you ask for something. Recognise her? I'm sure you do - we've all been there at one time or another. But lets face it - the list above could be attributed to any sales assistant in any store - not just beauty girls (except of course - the orange part, unless the poor thing has a failing liver). They could also be attributed to men - have you tried talking to a man in a mobile phone shop lately? My concern is that the list of sweeping generalisations above does not describe the people that I have worked with in the industry - I mean we all have off days, but come on - we're not ALL like that!!! So strictly in the spirit of fun - I thought I would provide you with a glimpse of the view from behind the till - you general public are not all sweetness and light you know! The 5.30pm 'Makeover' Going our for the evening? Want your makeup done? Just ask. Spare us the excuses about not having any time to get in at the weekend/during lunch/ever. Most of the people I know are more than happy to do makeovers - they love makeup - that's why they got into the industry - except me of course - absolutely no point asking me - I can do it but I don't enjoy it - one word people - delegation - I'll tell you how to fix your skin though... Just ASK. In most cases you'll get asked what you're wearing/what the event is/what colour would you like etc. (Well except for Trish McEvoy. If you want those ladies to touch your face makeover-wise you need to commit to purchasing two products - but at least they're open about it...) Don't roll in half an hour before closing time in a feather boa and say you're going home to watch Corrie. Mobile phones Whilst you're having your makeover that we are very happy to do - do us a favour, DON'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE. Let me tell you what your Mama never told you because they weren't around in her day - IT'S RUDE. Don't do it. This goes for all times - but especially when you're having your face done - and especially the lip area - d'oh - do not be surprised if you're MUA downs tools and walks off - I don't blame them. Rude. Also, if you are buying something and are at the till paying - same rule applies. Rudeness. By all means answer and say you can't speak right now BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING SERVED and hang up. Thanks. We appreciate it. So do the people waiting to be served. You're not THAT important. The 'Hold This' Baby? Dog? Handbag? Starbucks cup? Banana Peel? Yes. Banana Peel. If we don't offer we don't want to hold it thank you. If we do offer recognise that we are nice - not butlers. The 'I know your range better than you do' Woman approaches counter: 'You make this gel in that colour in a powder - I want one.' Sales Assistant: 'I'm terribly sorry we don't make that item in a powder form - do you have it on you so I could see what you mean?' Woman: 'You DO make it - I've been using it for years.' SA: 'I'm really sorry Madam, I can assure you I know the range inside out and we definitely do not make that item that you are describing.' Woman - shouting: 'I HAVE BEEN USING LANCOME FOR TWENTY YEARS - DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I KNOW!' SA: 'Well then Madam may I direct you to the Lancome counter - this is Sue Devitt' The 'I don't need' Customer We all know that sales assistants are targeted and told to link sell. But we don't always do it for monetary purposes - some of us are nice and are actually trying to help. 'I don't need moisturiser - I've used soap for years and my skin is fine - I just need a REALLY good foundation.' What we want to say is: 'Look love - you resemble a sharpei - the lines are queuing up on your neck to get on your face - but WHATEVER' 'I don't need a new deodorant - I use a crystal.' What we don't say: 'That's why you smell like a cheese and egg sandwich left on top of a radiator then.' 'I don't need an eye cream - my mum never used one - why should I?' What we don't say: 'Because your eyes look like two pissholes in the snow - but WHATEVER' 'I don't need a new way to do my eyes.' What we don't say: '1967 rang - it wants its look back.' The 'Do you know who I am?/How busy I am?' Customer Most stores I know don't do take out or drive thru. So pulling up outside a store, rolling your window down and snapping your fingers is probably NOT going to get you served. Likewise, shouting 'For Christ's Sake I'm double parked!!!' in the middle of Harvey Nichols when there is a queue of people in front of you showing great patience? Not your best move. And 'famous' people. If you're really famous you won't need to tell us who you are. And if we don't KNOW who you are - we probably don't care. Seriously. I don't care if your mum/dad was a famous footballer/singer/actor. You're not. Settle down. No-one cares. Coming up in Part Two: Returns and Testers. The JOYS.

• Beauty Industry